Why I Hate Saxophones and Saxophonists
Let me start with some personal history. When I was a bandsman in high school, I had the misfortune to have to sit in front of the saxophone section. Theose guys were loud, and rude, and crass and crude, and generally lacking in civilized culture. They were mean to the girls, too.
Now, the above just describes their defects as ordinary humans. As musicians, they are even worse. They can't keep a beat, and they never heard,let alone understood, the word "intonation". Their articulation is sloppy as hell (this is not helped by the really stupid key machinery on saxophones, with those silly rollers on the edges of the keys.) When it comes to the phrasing and the dynamics, well, saxophonists seem not to understand those ideas, either.
Saxophones were invented by a Frog, so you know they're just wrong, right there. Napoleon III managed to ban them from French military bands for a while, but then the Prussians came through and destroyed all of his works, letting the saxophonic virus escape into the wild.
Saxophones themselves look as if they are trying to be clarinets, and have failed. They use a clarinet reed and mouthpiece, but have a conical bore and are made out of metal. This lets you know that any sounds they produce will have a very annoying timbre. Oh, yes, let me mention again those stupid rollers on the edges of the keys, and the way they encourage sloppy articulation!
In conclusion, I will say e.g., the examples being Mr. Billy Jeff (BJ) Clinton and the liar and thief I refer to as my ex-brother. Both of those guys are saxophonists.
Now, the above just describes their defects as ordinary humans. As musicians, they are even worse. They can't keep a beat, and they never heard,let alone understood, the word "intonation". Their articulation is sloppy as hell (this is not helped by the really stupid key machinery on saxophones, with those silly rollers on the edges of the keys.) When it comes to the phrasing and the dynamics, well, saxophonists seem not to understand those ideas, either.
Saxophones were invented by a Frog, so you know they're just wrong, right there. Napoleon III managed to ban them from French military bands for a while, but then the Prussians came through and destroyed all of his works, letting the saxophonic virus escape into the wild.
Saxophones themselves look as if they are trying to be clarinets, and have failed. They use a clarinet reed and mouthpiece, but have a conical bore and are made out of metal. This lets you know that any sounds they produce will have a very annoying timbre. Oh, yes, let me mention again those stupid rollers on the edges of the keys, and the way they encourage sloppy articulation!
In conclusion, I will say e.g., the examples being Mr. Billy Jeff (BJ) Clinton and the liar and thief I refer to as my ex-brother. Both of those guys are saxophonists.
posted by Justthisguy at 7/01/2012 05:57:00 AM
2 Comments:
There are more raucous and noisy instruments than the sax. Need I mention the Scottish bagpipes?
Actually, I rather like bagpipe music. When I hear it, I imagine smelling the blood, and the gunpowder smoke, and hearing the screams of the wounded.
Post a Comment
<< Home